This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
