im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
