you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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