I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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