you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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