I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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