gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
