There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
