we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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