Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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