you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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