I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
