Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
