Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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