OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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