I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
