I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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