not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
