Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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