I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
