I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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