The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
