Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
