Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
