the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
