He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
