her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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