Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
