I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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