dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
