Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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