I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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