Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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