How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize