dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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