I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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