ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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