does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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