I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
