I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
