last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
