We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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