I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
