But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
