"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
