I am in a vortex of obligation.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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