That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
