So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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