I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
only if we run a train.
done.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize
