I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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