she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
