watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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