She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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