I'm so fucking centered right now
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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