Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
