If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
