i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
