Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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