Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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