It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just want to make out with him forever
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
