Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
